Dear Lola,
I have two teenage children who do not understand the concept of gift-giving. They are now at an age where my husband and I no longer help them pick out gifts, we’ve instead told them they are old enough to purchase and wrap the gifts themselves. My birthday just came and went and both kids forgot to get me a gift or even a card. They sat at the dinner table and were shocked when my husband pulled out his gift and the cake after dinner. I am livid. Both of my teens argued that their parents should have reminded them about the birthday and protested they can’t remember everything. My husband pulled out his cell phone and showed them both the family calendar we all share which lists birthdays for all family members. Lola, what else can I do to make my children understand that they need to think about other people?
Sincerely,
Pompous Progeny
Dear Pompous Progeny,
Ahhhhh, the dreaded Miniature Human who thinks the world revolves around them. While an important life stage in toddlerhood, this selfish nature is usually worked out of a Miniature Human well before they hit their teen years. Not that the selfishness goes away entirely, it just gets hidden better because societal norms apply pressure to those who continue to act as if there is only one person in the world.
Everyone has moments of selfishness, but they should be fleeting.
Unfortunately for you, your Miniature Humans seem to think the other humans exist to please them. Which means that you need to show them how truly little the world exists for their own amusements. This will require you and your husband to develop iron-clad will power – something I foresee may have been lacking in your past dealings with your Miniature Humans. Nevertheless, it’s time to gird your loins and fix these undesirable traits while you still can.
You need to ‘forget’ everything to make your point.
Forget to pay their cell phone bills. That is one way to get their undivided attention. You should also forget to pay for any streaming services your Miniature Humans currently enjoy. I imagine they would come running to you in a panic, only to be left in shock that you’ve ‘forgotten’ something so important. Your Miniature Humans will at this point be annoyed, but unlikely to have really received the message in its entirety.
You should ‘forget’ their birthdays this year.
There are very few banner days in a Miniature Human’s year and the birthday is one of them. They spend months thinking about what they are going to ask for. Then spend more months gathering the data that they will present to you in order to get the item they really want. Remember that time they promised to do chores for a year if you just got them this one really big, expensive item?!
I would bet a million dollars they did not do those chores for a year.
Other options to make your point is to forget their names. Simply refer to them as #2 and #3. Obviously #1 is always the canine of the household. You can also forget to make them breakfast, lunch, and dinner – they are old enough to make their own. Forget to pay them allowance if they earn it. Forget to drive them to their friend’s houses, even if they just asked you ten minutes prior. Heck, forget which bedroom is theirs and turn it into a Victorian-era sitting room for ladies!
Forget as if forgetting is the only thing you can do.
Now I would like to address the elephant in the room. Your own actions and explanations have led to this problem and you need to alter your behavior. You said ‘I have two teenage children who do not understand the concept of gift-giving’ and I challenge you that nothing could be more wrong. Your Miniature Humans do understand the concept of gift-giving because they receive them each year.
I suspect accountability is a general problem in more than one area of your Miniature Humans’ lives.
Take a look at how well your Miniature Humans do with all aspects of responsibility – chores, homework, personal friendships, even romantic relationships if they are old enough to have them. You need to be preparing them for the real world and nothing will crush them faster than their thinking that everything is something or someone else’s fault. Set expectations for your Miniature Humans and then proceed accordingly if they fail.
Be sure to praise when they succeed!
♥Lola♥
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Shank You Very Much 